One failed marriage doesn’t predict a second

The sting of divorce can linger, making some Louisianans reluctant to marry a second time. In a new book, two therapists share their views on how to make a second marriage work and avoid some of the mistakes that led to the first divorce. One divorce does not foreshadow an unsuccessful second marriage, they said.

First, a person determined to have a strong second marriage must learn to look inward to view faults. It’s easy to place blame and harder to take responsibility, but taking responsibility and correcting behaviors can prove key to having a good marriage.

As difficult as it is to review the past sometimes, both partners also must try to connect with the events of yesterday. Those events made the partners who they are, and they need to explore things that occurred to help them arrive at their views of intimacy and relationships. This is best down together between partners, not individually.

Both partners also need to know how to work through a tough time and recognize that every couple has challenges. Those challenges aren’t necessarily the crossroads that could spell the end of the relationship. Instead, partners need to realize they need to step away from what makes them angry or disappointed and reconnect on small issues first. They need to remember what they love about each other and find their common ground before going to work on larger issues. Ignoring the small issues and focusing on the big ones, which are unlikely to be solved quickly, could lead a couple to the crossroads.

Keeping a second marriage strong can happen by continuing to connect as a couple. Partners must lay a common ground, then build on it by adding positive shared experiences to the foundation. Maintaining that connection helps couples to feel loved and part of a team.

Source: Huffington Post, “A Psychoanalyst Talks About How Couples Can Prevent Divorce the Second Time Around,” Erica Manfred, May 8, 2012